Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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