so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
