I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize