I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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