What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
