Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
