Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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