you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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