Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
