There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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