just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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