Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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