I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
