New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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