I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
