Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
