i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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