oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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