after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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