dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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