just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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