I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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