Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
