I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
