She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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