Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize