I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
