Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
