We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
