You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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