MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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