So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
