I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
