she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
