youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
