I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
