He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize