Your tits are I can't wait for
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
