some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
