Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
