He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh god the rape fog is back!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
