So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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