Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
