I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
