So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
