Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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