he wants to bone in the snuggie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
