I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
