I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
