Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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