Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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