She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
