Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
