He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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