Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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