someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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