i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
