I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
