The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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