you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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