I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
