you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
