chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Im part way to drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
