The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
