Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
