I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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