she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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